


50 Shades of Pale

by Noir_Dix



Series: Adventures in Furnishings [2]
Category: Ghost (Sweden Band)
Genre: Casting Couch, Edging, F/M, creampie (mention), mainstream smut mockery, possibly possessed rat-dick, switch - Freeform, vamp angle
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-07
Updated: 2019-06-07
Packaged: 2020-04-11 12:03:14
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,621
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19109275
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Noir_Dix/pseuds/Noir_Dix
Summary: There really is no excuse for this. I watched 50 Shades, Part Deux. This happened.(Cardi & the couch made me do it.)It's really just fucking. On the couch. With entirely too much dialog.





	50 Shades of Pale

Dix sat in the Cardinal's darkened chambers. The man himself was next to her, sitting with his legs crossed, & one arm thrown behind her.

He was vaguely ill-at-ease... but, the bedside table lamp was on, along with the TV.

He had managed to find a ridiculously modern black leather couch, which did not match a single thing in the entire suite... except for maybe the electronics or the mini-fridge.

They were watching the latest "50 Shades" major motion picture smut thing, on cable, which was counter-productive.

He snorted.

"This movie is shit. Turn it off." he said, apparently past all patience.

She was inclined to agree with him.

He pivoted to stretch out on the couch. She scooted up to accommodate his legs behind her. He took up most of the space, which led her to believe that it was actually more of a love seat.

She turned the movie off, right at the halfway point. She looked down at him; he had his hands folded loosely on his chest, & she got the feeling that he was trying to be cute.

"So, now what?"

He lit up. He had been waiting for her to play.

_"Bite me."_

She fingered the soft flesh of his neck. He ended up seizing her hand, & pressing a hard kiss to her wrist.

She began to kiss the spot on his neck that she'd bitten hundreds of times. There were, in fact, two small silver scars from her frequent visits.

Naturally, it was impossible for her to see his face as she bit him... but, his eyes rolled rather dramatically as she began to suck at the wounds.

Oh, God- _yes. Make it pretty for me-"_

He tangled a hand in her hair.

She finally pulled back, & he whimpered in protest.

"Do you _want_ me to suck you dry?" she asked, knowing damn well it was a loaded question.

He smiled tiredly, watching her with a half-lidded gaze.

"You can do anything you want to me. You know that."

He closed his eyes, ghastly pale.

She was surprised. She had fully expected him to-

"What are we talking about?"

He was grinning at her, nastily.

Alrighty then.

His hair was a mess, & she began to try to smooth it down... Anything to distract from the flagpole that was demanding her salutation.

"Need some blood, baby?" she'd probably taken a bit too much, but, his blood was ambrosia to her.

He blinked. He had that wild-eyed look.

_"Fuck me."_

It was her turn to blink.

Succinct. To the point.

He raised his eyebrows.

" _I_ can't fuck _you,_ you crazy man."

They had had this debate, before. It was really all just-

"Semantics. Crawl up here."

She blushed prettily, & did as asked. She then went to work on the drawstring of his poor burgundy pajama pants.

He'd been at half-mast most of that evening, & not because of the movie. The bloodletting was causing a downright obscene display.

"Ta-da!" was the inappropriate commentary for his cock literally springing free.

He lifted his butt for her to pull his pants on down. He let her play with him for a bit, before starting to direct her hand.

"J'ai besoin de vous. Oh, mon Dieu... j'ai _besoin_ de toi. Droite. À présent."

Ooh, _French._

"Right _here,_ right now?" she giggled.

"You think you're funny?" he dropped into his _famous_ menacing snarl.

She shrugged.

"Funny ha-ha, or funny _peculiar?"_

He rolled his eyes before watching appreciatively as she pulled off her t-shirt.

"Peculiar." he muttered.

They actually sort of matched, both wearing Monty Python & the Holy Grail shirts.

 _A much sexier movie, honestly_. she thought.

 _And after the spanking, the oral sex_.

She stood to pull off her own lounge pants, & didn't catch him beating her to it. He divested her of both pants & undies in one fell swoop.

He then hauled off & landed a stinging slap to her ass.

She squeaked in surprise.

"You asked for it."

"I most certainly did not!" she protested.

"Aww... viens à papa, ma petite sorcière. Je l'embrasserai mieux."

And he walked her back a bit to kiss the tingling spot. He had turned a little on his side, & snaked a hand around & between her legs.

He also went well beyond _kissing it better._

"So wet." he muttered, as if this were some new phenomenon.

The French was making it worse, though. If he kept it up, he'd soon be able to play Slip N Slide with her.

She moved to pull his pants the rest of the way off.

"You know- I've told you about the château. My work with the horses; before I settled down-"

 _Before you died_. she couldn't stop herself from thinking.

"That, too." he said, basically admitting to poking around in her head, yet again.

"Of course, that was back in the bad old days... Women couldn't do any goddamn thing. But, if I had known you then, I would have made you my protégé."

That timeline made absolutely no sense. He was going somewhere with this, obviously.

"As you have more than proven that you are an _expert_ rider."

He grinned. Again, nastily.

"Impossible." she said, complete with accent.

"That may be... but, I'm also right." he pulled his t-shirt over his head.

She climbed astride him again, but, sat back on her feet for a second.

"FUCK. ME." he was getting rather insistent. He sat up to concentrate on her breasts.

"Like fucking a classical statue-" he said, under his breath.

"Hey. They're _pink,_ thank you very much."

More pink than usual, thanks to his impromptu donation.

"Mmm, yes. Everything's pink, in all the right places... like cherry blossoms in the spring."

"You're one to talk. You blush a pretty pink, yourself."

His ears were turning.

She hadn't been talking about his _ears._

"What possessed you to get this ridiculous couch?" she asked.

"You don't like it?" he really seemed to want to know.

She shook her head. It just didn't belong.

He laid back, & began to idly stroke himself.

Pink. Very pink. Oozing white.

She watched his skin slide, hypnotized.

"I thought it had a very _old Hollywood_ sort of vibe."

"It looks like a casting couch."

He perked up.

"From a porn studio."

He frowned.

"In the 70's."

"Ah, shit." he sighed. "Oh, well."

Ever since he'd ~~been forced to~~ taken over the high-rollers suite, he kept coming up with these odd ideas... She was just _waiting_ for the Jungle Room.

"Weren't you going to try to get a piano in here?"

"It was hard enough, sneaking a couple of my guitars in here." he grumbled. "Speaking of which-"

He slid his hand back between her legs. He, (& Mary) both had long, elegant fingers. Musician's hands, really.

And, they could both play her like a fiddle.

"Just how long do you intend to drag this out?" he hissed. She was obviously trying his patience, although he would never admit to it.

"Hmm." she began at his navel, then dragged her index finger down the faint trail of hair that led to his cock. It was still perpetually fascinating to her that the man was almost, _almost_ hairless... with a thick head of hair, a nice set of sideburns, & a trim little moustache.

He shivered, dick twitching restlessly.

"What was it you wanted?" she asked sweetly, lightly tracing his veins.

"Witch." he breathed. "Prends-moi à l'intérieur, sorcière."

"I have no idea what you mean."

He grunted before grabbing behind her knees & physically sliding her forward.

He started teasing her ruthlessly with the head of his cock.

"Ohh, you unholy rat bastard." she moaned, tossing her head back. "That's not fair."

"It quit being fair the _third_ time I asked you nicely." he seethed. "No more putting you in charge."

"I'm a switch!" she squeaked, as he began pushing himself into her.

"That's no excuse." he closed his eyes momentarily, as she took him completely.

He grabbed her thighs & pulled, so that she was literally seated on him.

"Parfait." he rasped, before starting to thrust up inside her. He held her hips firmly, locking her in place.

"How long can you keep this up?" she asked, chewing her lip.

"Not long." he admitted, panting.

She pressed him back by his slight, damp chest.

"I mean, I _am_ supposed to be an expert rider-"

"I'm not long for this world, succubus."

"You're undead."

"Things are... tingling."

"Bastard!"

"Mmm. I love you, too."

She set a slow pace, but, he still stopped her at least twice.

"Arrêtez. Donne une seconde à papa..."

He kept clawing futilely at the upholstery.

He got that look... The _creampie is inevitable_ look.

"I can't hold back, anymore-"

He was pleading with her.

"Quit edging, you nut. You should have cum a _long_ time ago."

"So should you."

She kissed him, & he completely lost it halfway through.

She felt him get impossibly harder before throbbing, then pulsating inside her.

It finished her, & she wished for Mortal Kombat music. 

"I hate this couch." 

(He kept... sticking to it.)

They were laying as a tangled mass of pale limbs. He had long since slipped out, & there was a sizable puddle on her, him, & the sofa.

And she honestly did not care.

"Dix?"

"Hm?"

"Am I still alive?" he was using a tiny little voice. No accent. Of any kind.

She grinned.

"I _think_ so."

"I'm not so sure."

He snuggled into her arms.

 _Plague-Bringer_.

Laying with his head on her chest.

"I love you more than anything in the history of ever right now." he mumbled.

She went back to fiddling with his hair, which seemed even more shot through with gray than usual.

"Need... shower. Join-"

Within seconds, he was snoring, his moustache tickling her dreadfully.

FIN. 

**Author's Note:**

> Not sorry.
> 
> The French:  
> * I need you. Oh, God... I need you. Right. Now.  
> * Aww... come to Daddy, my little witch. I'll kiss it better.  
> * Take me internally, you witch.  
> * Perfect.  
> *Stop. Give Daddy a second...
> 
> (Your opinions are important... Bombard me with kudos.)


End file.
